Riavvolgi e srotola il nastro

Ve le ricordate le musicassette? E la penna che si usava per riavvolgere il nastro quando si srotolava dentro lo stereo? E voi con pazienza eravate lì a rimetterlo in forma sperando che le pieghe, che ogni volta si sommavano sulla superficie, non fossero troppo profonde

Io me lo ricordo. Lo ricordo bene anche se ahimè in casa non ho più uno stereo che legge le musicassette. Lo rammento con la stessa nitidezza con cui ricordo le biglie ed il cerchio dentro cui le facevo ruotare, la spiaggia e le partite sotto l’ombrellone. Le corse sulla battigia, sempre a piedi nudi, con i secchi d’acqua. Ricordo le onde, dentro cui ci si buttava prima del loro infrangersi. Ricordo la mamma e la sua pazienza quando le dicevo ancora un minuto e diventavano mezz’ore. Ricordo la figlia dei miei vicini di casa, di un anno più grande, che mi ha insegnato il valore dell’amicizia, di quanto due persone così diverse possono volersi così bene, anche se ai due capi del mondo. Ricordo il molo che adesso non c’è più che se ci correvi sopra sobbalzava e sembrava di gomma. Ricordo le cabine telefoniche e le telefonate di nascosto a cui arrivavi con la tasca piena di monetine. Ricordo gli scherzi, i gavettoni a ferragosto lanciati direttamente dai balconi vista mare. Ricordo la focaccia profumata appena sfornata, che bastava quella per fare colazione, pranzo e merenda tutto insieme. Ricordo il banco del pesce e le conversazioni sui mozzi e le reti nuove dei pescatori. Ricordo i colori, così immensi, senza confini. Ricordo la sagoma della Corsica, lì davanti alla finestra di casa, la ricordo in un giorno di Natale di qualche anno fa durante il quale abbiamo festeggiato il 25 dicembre con i vetri spalancati. Ricordo il sole della domenica, quello che ti scalda le spalle mentre leggi il giornale appoggiato alla staccionata. Ricordo le curve, il loro andare lento e sinuoso, il loro seguire la costa come linee fedeli, senza mai un movimento brusco. Ricordo la Guardia che ci sorveglia dalla sua altezza. Ricordo gli amici, le risate, le serata trascorse davanti ad una griglia con il solo suono della chitarra di Roberto che risuonava leggera. Ricordo gli abbracci, le corse in macchina, le bugie buone, i treni persi ed i baci rubati fra un angolo e l’altro del paese. Ricordo il passeggiare lento del sabato pomeriggio e le parole che iniziavano ad uscire. Ricordo i negozi che nel frattempo hanno chiuso, ed il gelato per il quale si faceva la fila anche per mezz’ora. Ricordo i primi discorsi da adulti, quelli durante i quali dicevo a voce bassa che sarei andata a vivere a Milano e gli amici mi guardavano come fossi pazza. Mi ricordo il mare, la salsedine che fa dannare la mamma perchè si attacca sui vetri e le risate davanti alla pubblicità dei detersivi “al profumo di mare”. Ricordo la Messa la domenica e la processione per Santa Caterina, i brividi accendendo una candela ed il desiderio di sposarsi in quella chiesina così piccola e famigliare che sembra lì per accogliere l’amore di due persone. Ricordo i primi lavori, le prime responsabilità, i test di ingresso all’università. Ricordo le emozioni sotto pelle quelle che segnano piano piano il confine con l’adolescenza ed il mondo dei grandi. Ricordo il surf e lo sci. Le mute e le giacche imbottite. La sensazione di possedere la capacità di dominare la natura, almeno apparentemente. Ricordo i quaderni scritti giorno dopo giorno, dove lasciavo fluire quello che adesso pubblico qui. Ricordo il giorno il cui li buttai, quello che trascorsi accoccolata sulla poltrona della mia camera a piangere per una storia finita. Ricordo la prima volta che papà a Savona mi lasciò la macchina e tornò a casa in treno. Ricordo l’autostrada con la neve e con la nebbia. I chilometri avanti ed indietro, i cambi delle gomme in garage con papà, con quei guanti così grandi e sporchi d’olio che mi sembrava di stare in fabbrica. Mi ricordo il trasloco quel giorno che avevo la febbre ed il mio letto era stato il mobile montato per primo. Ricordo i poster attaccati all’armadio, che mamma toglieva e io rimettevo, fin dentro le ante. Ricordo i puzzle e la mia capacità di farli in poco tempo. Ricordo quella volta a Roma che nella notte ne finii uno non mio e Dario si arrabbiò tanto con me e Chiara. Ricordo i viaggi in macchina, come se fosse routine, come se cambiare casa fosse la cosa più semplice della terra. E le domande “come mai gli altri bambini vanno all’asilo? E perchè io non ci vado? Perchè ho la valigia sotto il letto? Perchè papà esce la mattina e tu resti sempre in casa? Perchè devo imparare a scrivere se ancora non vado a scuola? Perchè ci spostiamo di nuovo?” Una serie infinita di quesiti a cui solo il tempo ha dato risposta.

Ricordo lei, che mi insegnava un sacco di cose. Ricordo il nonno che girava la manovella e ne faceva uscire pasta fresca. Ricordo il profumo del cioccolato e l’amore per la cucina. Ricordo le litigate, le incomprensioni, il modo orribile di urlarsi il male in faccia, di piangere di rabbia, di non trovare la serenità. Ricordo il distacco senza senso che la morte ti lascia addosso. Ricordo ciò che è stato, e che ancora è. Ricordo ciò che non è più. Ricordo per scrivere un sarà diverso da quello che avrebbe potuto essere.
Ed ogni tanto riavvolgo e srotolo il nastro

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