Persa, senza filtro di fragilità

Ho perso l’ispirazione.
Quella che avevo in Corsica quando in una settimana ho scritto un libro.
Quella che avevo qualche anno fa piena di illusioni e di sogni rimasti chiusi in un cassetto, sepolto sotto le rovine
Quella che mi ha mosso a registrare un dominio, a metterci dentro parole e suono

Ho perso un po’ della grinta che avevo
E ho quella sensazione odiosa di quando stendo lo smalto più brillante che ho e mi sembra sempre dannatamente opaco alla vista
E mi infastidisce, ed appena messo lo tolgo via, con rabbia

Ho perso la voglia di creare qualcosa che vada al di la dell’essere in due.
Come se fosse un treno che è andato troppo rapido per saltarci su, che non si è fermato, che mi è passato davanti e mi ha lasciato a piedi
Ho perso tanto, molto, troppo. Forse ho perso me stessa fra le lacrime, fra i libri della libreria, fra i vestiti che ho buttato.
Ho perso il filtro della fragilità, quello che mi permetteva di tenerla nascosta

Dove sono gli uomini che ti prendono per mano? Che hanno meno paura di te e si buttano nelle cose?
Dove sono quelli che, sotto la pioggia, ti prendono fra le braccia e ti fanno sentire al riparo?
Quelli che da te vogliono molto di più che una cena ed una notte. Vogliono la vita, il sole, i sorrisi, i baci, gli abbracci, quella voglia di creare un nido, e poi rimanerci.
Quelli che desiderano coinvolgerti nella loro vita, non solo entrare nella tua a gamba tesa. Quelli che sono interessati davvero a quello che fai de a come lo fai, che sia lavoro che sia un pranzo con le amiche. Quelli che in fondo sono gelosi se esci senza di loro e non sanno dove sei. Che sono umani, che ti abbracciano mentre dormi e che ogni tanto ti guardano pensando che “sei bellissima” e te lo dicono anche. Quelli che invece di pronunciare “idem” tirano fuori il carattere e quello che provano te lo dicono, prima su whatsup e poi dal vivo.
Quelli che si innamorano

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