Il giovedì sotto casa mia si scatena la guerra. Filo spinato e coltello fra i denti. Come mai? Semplice allo scoccare della mezza notte, mentre Cenerentola se la corre verso casa con una scarpetta si e l’altra no, davanti al mio portone inizia la pulizia della strada, che termina alle 5, giusto un’oretta prima dell’installazione settimanale del mercato.
Sicuramente è bello, e se volete pure folcroristico, svegliarsi la mattina del venerdì con il caotico mercato cittadino, ma lo è un po’ meno arrivare il giovedì sera sotto casa e sapere che tutta la mia via, quella dopo e quella incrocia a 90 gradi la mia non sono utili per il parcheggio. E così, armata di santa pazienza e implorante per un po’ di fortuna – che quella non guasta mai – si inizia la ricerca senza fine.
E senza fine non è un ufemismo perchè ci possono volere ore a trovare un buco. Il trucco, nel mio caso, visto che la mia zona è piena, ma che dico piena è proprio trascolma di ristoranti, è appostarsi in doppia fila davanti ad uno di questi e seguire le coppiette che ne escono satolle e felici. Occhio però a non sembrare stalker o mal intenzionati, io sono pur sempre una donna quindi difficilmente faccio paura, ma un uomo appostato.. beh non è la stessa cosa.
Un altro utile consiglio è di non perdere tempo e mostrare subito la vostra faccia da cu.. o meglio faccia tosta, perchè è inutile seguirli per poi scoprire che erano in vespa o che hanno una smart. Quindi appena li adocchiate con occhi dolci (non troppo se sono una coppia che non si sa mai che vi arrivi un tacco 12 in fronte dalla tipa) vi avvicinate e chiedete: A) se tolgono la macchina B) se si ricordano se l’hanno messa sulle strisce gialle o blu
Questo ultimo passaggio è fondamentale, perchè è abbastanza inutile parcheggiare sulle blu, allora tanto valeva metterla nel garage a pagamento e vi levavate il problema, ma se siete come me che poi la macchina la lasciate ferma giorni e giorni non vi conviene (risparmiate per le scarpe che avete visto in centro, fidatevi!)
Ricapitoliamo, è giovedì sera e state tornando da una bellissima serata ma siete stanchi morti e la sveglia, ahime, l’indomani suona presto. E siete li a cercare e cercare e poi.. un miraggio: un’auto che esce dal parcheggio, su strische gialle.
Ecco, in quel caso lasciate perdere codice della strada, regole di buona condotta etc etc. Pensate alla vostra salute mentale: inforcate la freccia, abbassate il finestrino ed iniziate la vostra manovra verso il miraggio prima che qualcun altro possa arrivarci prima di voi!
C’è una sola regola: arrivare primi. Per farlo, sempre se siete una donna, potrebbero aiutarvi: sorrisini ammiccanti e sbattito di ciglia, tanto sarete truccate 9 volte su 10 e quindi sfruttate quel fattore di vantaggio.
A me stasera è andata bene, ma il destino è sempre in agguato. Ricordate le regole e mi raccomando metodo!!
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