Mi vuoi bene?

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E mentre lo diceva sognava una risposta romantica, con le farfalle nello stomaco ed i brividi sulla pelle. Sognava un abbraccio ed un bacio da film, quello che la donna diventa piccolissima fra le braccia di lui.

Le era costato tanto domandare.
Era stato enormemente difficile.
E faceva finta di non sapere il perchè di quella fatica.
Ma aveva preso coraggio e, aiutata dal buio e dal silenzio intorno, aveva pronunciato quelle tre parole in coda.
Tutte di fila, una attaccata all’altra, quasi a formarne una sola.
Il silenzio se le era mangiate.
Erano svanite in un soffio.

Il nero li avvolgeva.
Lei non riusciva a distinguere l’espressione del viso di lui.
Tremava, dentro, sottopelle.
Tremava nel cuore, che era in attesa.
L’assenza di riscontro le fece pensare le cose più insensate.
Che lui non avesse sentito.
Che lui non volesse risponderle.
Che lui si fosse addormentato.
Si diede mentalmente della sciocca per aver parlato.
Si ripromise di restare immobile come se non le importasse.
Ricacciò dentro di sè le lacrime che pizzicavano il naso.
Spostò i piedi di pochi millimetri, quelli che le sembravano abbastanza per non toccarlo più.
I secondi passavano, lenti, lentissimi.
Sembravano minuti.
Nella testa il rimbombo, nel cuore i pezzetti.
Passò dal sentirsi romantica a sentirsi una bambina stupida,
di quelle che credono che la vita sia un film, che c’è sempre il lieto fine, che lui si innamora, che la vita diventa luminosa, come in una favola.
I pensieri si facevano fitti e le farfalle nello stomaco erano diventate come un pugno.

Si girò dall’altro lato del letto.
Gli diede le spalle, come faceva lui fin dall’inizio.
Gli occhi si erano abituati piano piano al buio e vedeva il muro davanti a lei distintamente.
Lo guardò e sentì movimento dietro di sè.
Pensò che, nel sonno, lui si stava muovendo e non ci diede peso.
E mentre le scendeva una lacrima dall’occhio che poggiava sul cuscino, sentì la mano di lui che si infilava fra il suo braccio ed il fianco e l’abbracciava.

Poi lui rispose
Non più. Inizio ad amarti

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