La difficoltà del primo

Notoriamente il primo è sempre il più difficile

Il primo giorno di scuola, per esempio, quando tutti i bambini si devono staccare dalla propria mamma (o forse sono le mamme che si devono staccare), iniziare una nuova vita, una nuova avventura. Il primo giorno di ogni ciclo di studi è sempre quello più complicato, quello durante il quale non sappiamo bene neanche noi a cosa andremo incontro, cosa ci sorprenderà, o cosa ci porterà delusioni

Il primo esame all’università non lo scorderò mai, era fondamenti di analisi uno e grazie alla mia formazione del liceo scientifico avevo studiato poco niente, si può dire che ero arrivata vivendo di rendita degli anni precedenti e di questo non potevo certo lamentarmi. Passai con un 28, potevo rifarlo si, poteva mettere il primo numero sul libretto come un 30, ma la paura di sbagliare, di cadere, di sopravvalutarsi mi fece accettare quel 28. Ci fecero entrare tutti insieme nell’aula, ci fecero mettere in piedi divisi in due gruppi ai lati della cattedra. Era un esame scritto. Venivamo chiamati per cognome in ordine alfabetico e disposti a scacchiera, praticamente la possibilità di avere vicino uno dei tuoi amici rasentava lo zero. Strategie atte ad evitare che si copiasse, che poi non ho mai capito come potevano pensare che si copiasse quando per ogni esame preparavano quattro o cinque temi diversi, con numeri, domande e richieste diverse. Della serie che le quattro persone che avevi vicino, ai quattro punti cardinali, avevano temi diversi dal tuo e quindi anche il confronto post esame era inutile.
Al Politecnico ho imparato che cos’è la vita, gli schiaffi in faccia, uscire da una piccola città ed arrivare in una grande città, essere un numero, o meglio una matricola. Praticamente sono passata dall’essere qualcuno a non contare nulla. Essere poi una delle cinque ragazze su 150 alunni di un corso di ingegneria, devo ammettere, non ha semplificato la vita universitaria, ma questa è un’altra storia

Parlavo della difficoltà del primo, del primo posto sul podio.
Avete mai praticato uno sport a livello agonistico? Dando tutto voi stessi? Non sto parlando di palestra dove ci si va ad allenare, della partita a calcetto fra gli amici, dei tiri a canestro così, fra ex colleghi. Sto parlando di dedicare anima e corpo ad un solo sport, farlo bene, avere la determinazione di vincere le gare, di modificare e plasmare il proprio corpo in maniera che possa fare al meglio solo quello che ci interessa, che sia tirare di destro, che sia saltare in alto, che sia correre più veloce.
Io quest’ebbrezza l’ho provata, ero giovane, il mio maestro diceva anche piena di talento. Ma com’era difficile arrivare primi, gli altri erano accaniti quanto me, se non di più. Io ho sempre cercato di non farne una malattia, prima di tutto doveva essere un divertimento non un lavoro. Certe persone non lo capivano e se non arrivavano prime, o non ne avevano la certezza, erano capaci di amareggiarsi per giorni e giorni oppure, da codardi, non presentarsi nemmeno. È difficile essere primi, perché si può essere primi in una gara ed a quella dopo mancare il podio, ed a quella successiva anche. I dubbi sulla bravura, sulla preparazione iniziano a frullarti nella testa.
E’ difficile, molto difficile perché la vita non è un solo set, ma una successione ritmata e cadenzata di eventi, e se vuoi essere il primo, deve essere il primo in ciascuno di essi, e questo non è semplice

Ve lo ricordate il primo bacio? Si dai quello che dicono che non si scordi mai. Io me lo ricordo perfettamente, anche se di anni ne sono passati abbastanza. Era il 9 luglio del 1998, ero sul treno che da Varazze porta a Ceriale Ligure. Con gli amici del liceo si andava alle Caravelle, un parco acquatico molto noto in Liguria che d’estate la fa da padrone su tutta la Riviera.
Che gli piacevo era palese, che lui piaceva a me nessuno lo sapeva, tranne me.
Faceva caldo, ma non quel caldo che ti butta giù la pressione, che ti fa sudare e che rovina le giornate. C’era quel caldo secco, con il vento fresco che entrava dal finestrino e noi due vicini. Ebbene sì il mio primo bacio è stato proprio lì. Sinceramente non mi ricordo la dinamica, posso solo dirvi che era un bacio timido e che non aveva niente a che fare con la francese, ma è stato uno dei momenti che porterò sempre con me nella vita

Ma il primo non fa parte solo dei nostri ricordi. Del nostro passato. Può esserci un primo ogni giorno, in più occasioni. La prima riunione, il primo pranzo fuori, il primo giorno di primavera, il primo momento in cui lui vi manca. Il primo minuto della giornata, il primo skinny nero, il primo trucco marcato, il primo giorno in cui passate da figli a genitore.

E’ difficile essere primi, godersi il primo posto e mantenere questo concetto attaccato alla nostra testa. E’ complicato perchè, più si cresce, e più l’asticella della vita sale e voi dovete trovare il modo per saltare più in alto. Poi ci sono cose che una volta imparate vanno avanti per conto loro, come andare in bicicletta, una volta che staccate le due rotelle siete a posto, avete appreso e questo rimarrà vostro. Ma ci sono quelle che non si imparano mai fino in fondo, che tutte le volte è la prima volta, come quando si cambia lavoro, si acquista casa, si fa un trasloco, ci si innamora. Tutto quello che si era fatto proprio scompare, e si ricomincia da capo. Per la prima volta, di nuovo

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