Il tempo che non aspetta tempo

Prima dei 30 la mia gestione del tempo ed il mio rapporto con il tempo stesso era molto diversa. Intanto facevo un lavoro e non due. Avevo una quotidianità molto differente da quella che vivo oggi, dove gli incastri non erano la mia priorità, anzi forse avevo troppo tempo libero da non saper come impiegare, ora è praticamente il contrario.

Viaggiavo sì, ma meno di oggi.
Mangiavo, uscivo, incontravo, parlavo, ma meno di oggi.
Amavo si, ma meno di oggi.
Ci tenevo meno alla vita, alle sue fasi, ai suoi momenti. A non bucare nessuna scadenza. Passati i 30 e ricominciata la corsa verso la cifra tonda, la percezione cambia, il tic tac di un orologio inesistente inizia a farsi sentire, nella testa ovviamente. Si ha voglia di avere tempo per cambiare le proprie priorità. Si desidera crearsi una nicchia di certezze nella quale adagiarsi come sul divano di casa e sentirsi avvolti dalla sicurezza e dalla serenità come in un abbraccio. Si inizia a pensare a una famiglia, a diventare qualcosa di più con l’altra persona, di diventare un lui&lei scritto tutto-attaccato. Ma nella maggior parte dei casi senti la lei del duo sopra citato che vorrebbe ma che non può fare ciò che sente, perchè lui dice no.

E mi chiedo perchè continuo a parlare con amiche che vorrebbero ma non possono perchè lui dice no. Non perchè non l’ama, ma perchè è presto, non è pronto, la convivenza sì ma un anello al dito giammai. Perchè sposarsi è un passo importante, che va ragionato e ragionato ancora come se la parte emotiva non avesse posto nel discorso. Perchè un figlio è una responsabilità però possiamo lavorare insieme. Perchè il nome sul citofono no, tengo casa mia senza dormirci più. Perchè la spesa la si fa insieme ma poi insieme davvero cosa è?

L’arte dell’aspettare non l’hanno inserita nel nostro DNA, è un problema di genetica suppongo. E’ più facile che il cuore getti tutto via piuttosto che attendere, cosa e chi poi non si sà, perchè di certezze l’animo maschile ne possiede poche, ma non per cattiveria come a volte a noi sembra, ma per lo stesso discorso del DNA femminile.
C’è chi dice “se ti ama ti prende“, “se fosse quello giusto il discorso del tempo non gli importerebbe“. L’ho detto anche io, tante volte, ma poi resti sempre lì immobile. Ad aspettare. Fino a che l’amor proprio non prende le redini della quotidianità

Come un cane che si morde la coda, il no risuona più forte di qualsiasi altro “ti spiego”, “aspetta”. Ed a volte, anche le cose più belle finiscono così, con un e un no incontrati per caso. A volte il no , invece, strizza l’occhio al , e la musica cambia.

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