Il tempismo a volte è fondamentale

Ieri è successo un patatrac.

Uno di quelli evitabili facilmente, come quando sai che se la pallina di vetro soffiato da appendere all’albero è fragilissima ma tu la fai cadere con cognizione di causa e poi quando la vedi rotta sul pavimento ti dici che già lo sapevi.
Si poteva evitare. Ma a volte quello che puoi evitare magari è necessario che avvenga per poterti sentire libero di agire con passi successivi.

Avevo il pensiero da mesi. Avevo una domanda nella testa da prima dell’estate. Proprio in tempi non sospetti. Mi è nata proprio nel momento in cui qualcosa mi era scattato nella mente fra una prenotazione aerea e la chiusura della programmazione editoriale sul blog. Mi è scattata ed è rimasta li, nella semiombra dei pensieri, pronta in agguato ma mai davvero sulla via verso l’aria.

Mi è rimasta appesa, come quando stai per fare una gara di sci e vedi il cancelletto da varcare a pochi passi da te ma non tocca ancora a te e resti concentrato e pronto, mantieni le gambe calde e il cervello attivo ma in sospensione.

L’ho tenuta lì, inconsciamente, al caldo. Perchè ogni volta che bussava per dire “ehi guarda che voglio uscire” c’era qualcosa che glielo impediva.

E’ uscita di forza, ieri pomeriggio.
Per iscritto e non per voce (primo errore)
In un momento a caso (secondo errore)
Senza una premessa che la spiegasse (terzo errore)

Ed è caduta a terra. Non dolcemente come mi ero immaginata ma con un tonfo sulla neve, ci è affondata dentro.

SBAM

Forte ma così forte che mi ha stordito. Non solo perchè non è stata capita ma addirittura è stata fraintesa. E’ stata collegata a qualcosa che nel corso del tempo fra l’estate ed ieri è accaduto, che non c’entra nulla. Ma proprio nulla. E’ stata collegata a qualcosa che nella mia testa non c’è mai entrato, come se fosse la conseguenza di qualcosa di estraneo invece che una creazione vera.

Si è fracassata al suolo e si è portata con sè tutte le parole seguenti, tutti gli slanci, tutte le energie. Si è rotto tutto, o forse no, non lo so. Ma il tonfo sembra l’abbia sentito solo io, si sa che la neve attutisce il rumore, lo assorbe, come l’apatia che assorbe me ora.

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