Ho perso 20 anni

A preoccuparmi della mia taglia, di quello che è di moda, del trucco che non faccio Ho perso tempo a piangere su me stessa per i traguardi non raggiungi ed a non aver tempo di gioirne quando li ho raggiunti.

Sono stata sciocca quando ho pensato che la mia amica fosse più felice di me perché aveva una sorella con cui condividere la vita. Come se nascere figli unici fosse una condanna

Non ho riflettuto su quanto fosse importante parlare e non l’ho fatto quando ne ho avuto la possibilità per poi rincorrere le occasioni mancate in un turbine di scadenze e tempo sprecato

Ho sbagliato. E chi non lo fa? Lo fanno tutti e più volte. Ma è a me che non lo perdono. E fra pochi mesi saranno 30 anni, e se tiro le fila ho cose buone e cose no nella rete della vita.
Ma un pensiero mi attanaglia da qualche settimana, la paura di aver gettato 20 anni al vento dell’insoddisfazione per la forma fisica, per un voto di laurea più alto, per aver tagliato i capelli e poi averci pianto su perché mi mancavano

Piccole e grandi seghe mentali – concedetemi l’eufemismo – che hanno reso un po’ più nuvoloso il cielo sopra di me fino a renderlo in tempesta durante quelle giornate che proprio no, non andava bene nulla

E la tesi, un amore finito. Vai a vivere in un’altra città e vorresti restare ma poi anche tornare. La vita è imprevedibile, a volte anche stupida. E per paura di perdere qualcosa rischi di prenderti troppo. Ma queste cose le impari con il tempo, con la faccia che fa rumore quando la sbatti al muro

Tiriamo le redini, fermiamoci. Lasciamo il motore spento qualche minuto. Quello che basta per dover girare da capo la chiave, fare i due scatti e aspettare il rumore del motore che prende forma. Ok

Adesso ingrano la prima e riparto, ci vediamo in giro

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