Vacillante

Svegliarsi male. Come se la notte fosse stata solo un amplificatore di paura e pensieri. Sedersi sul letto, con una camicia di seta blu che, di solito, ci fa stare bene e, nonostante questa, sentirsi a pezzi, come se qualcosa ci avesse aperto in due.
Dilaniato

Le lacrime sono lì, pronte ad uscire.
Le si trattiene a fatica, ma le si trattiene perchè non si può piangere, non si deve. Non ha senso, non ha motivazione, non ha esito. Piangere per stare meglio? Non funziona mai.
Degluttisco a fatica acqua fresca e pensieri, in un silenzio irreale che avvolge la stanza. E quella sensazione latente di irrisolto, di rimasto in sospeso rimbomba, ormai più nel cuore che nella testa.

Spengo, chiudo, esco.
L’aria fuori è fredda, e come una mano gelida mi afferra il polso e mi conduce su una strada diversa da quella che vorrei percorrere. I pensieri sono ancora tutti lì, anche se fingo di ignorarli. Anche se meccanicamente percorro gli stessi metri che mi attendono ogni mattina. Il corpo si sposta, si muove, cammina, risponde agli stimoli esterni. La testa invece è assente, il cuore in battito lento, sofferente, come se gli mancasse l’aria.

Oggi mi piacerebbe essere una bambina, che viene presa per mano ed ascolta le parole che le sono mancate ieri, che, nonostante la fiducia incondizionata, mi fanno vacillare come su una giostra

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