Avvicinamento

Questi giorni volano rapidi sotto le mie dita, ne sto quasi perdendo la percezione. Il tatto inganna, sarà il freddo, la voglia di affondare dentro il parka, saranno le scarpe lucide e le gambe che si muovono rapide per combattere il gelo.
Sarà che ho bisogno del mare e lo preferisco al sushi. Sarà che avrei voglia di prendere la macchina, macinare chilometri e svegliarmi li, con le onde che rombano, che gridano vendetta contro il vento, che si fanno sentire fin dentro gli anfratti delle rocce

Natale si avvicina, come il mio senso di adeguatezza che fa capolino timido fra una camicia di jeans e un pantalone grigio che mi fa sentire me stessa. Fa freddo e ho le mani arse dalle temperature che influiscono senza mezze misure su umore e pelle. Mi sento dilaniata fra la voglia di scappare e quella di piantare il piede ed affermare che ci sono, adesso. Parlo, scrivo e mi tengo impegnata.

Aspetto che gli ultimi giorni volino rapidi mentre la mia testa è già altrove. Seduta sul molo che non c’è più, ecco l’immagine che mi si è stampata fra le rotelle della testa. Ferma immobile, mentre l’acqua sotto di me si muove senza freno. E’ irrequieta, lei come me. Nervosa ed insoddisfatta, con la voglia di cambiare tutto e niente. Con la voglia di avere più spazio e poi rendersi conto che tutto lo spazio del cielo che mi contorna non basterebbe

Mi viene da piangere, mi manca lei. Sono fragile e questo mi manda in bestia. Sono passati anni, mi dico, ma nulla. Sta li come un martello pneumatico e non sopporto che arrivi un altro Natale. Ancora rosso, oro, decorazioni e pacchetti. Tanto quello che desideri sotto l’albero non lo trovi mai. Cerco amore, emozione, viaggi e voglia di perdere la testa. Sotto questo albero non ci sarà nulla di questo e vorrei un consiglio, da lei, che non c’è più e mi sento il naso che pizzica alla sola idea del mio bisogno stupido ed infantile che mi schiaccia al muro e mi toglie il fiato dai polmoni.

Mi toglie i tasti da sotto le dita

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